There was a time not that long ago that the story I would have written would have been about a person who had been victimized seemingly her entire life only recently finding happiness. And although happy, pain and hurt would continue to be the underlining theme throughout the rest of the story providing a bitter sweet ending. Thankfully the ending has yet to be reached. And even more wonderful is the healing that has begun to take place and my story of pain, neglect, abuse and misery is evolving.
My past is still my past. I cannot change what happened to me and around me. I can however see more than the abuse and the pain. I can see the moments of happiness. I can see who I was and how and when I began to change. I can see the choices I made that contributed to the paths that I took in life. I am beginning to see the people who abused me in a different light. I can see the circumstances they grew up in. What may have caused them to make some of the choices they made. Not excuses for them and their actions, but explanations of who they were and insight into what I am seeing as their limitations. This new pespective is sheding a whole new light on my past, who I was and who I have become.
Life is but a story. One that doesn’t end until we die. Some would say it doesn’t even end there as our life can still have an effect on others long after we are gone. I hope mine does. I hope when I am gone that things I have done, things I have said may leave a lasting impression on the people I have had contact with. I hope my story continues long after I am gone. I hope it inspires the people I have touched to do good things, to think about others before themselves, to long to make a difference near and far, to also leave a lasting impression when they too are gone. One can hope, right?
I think as I continue this journey of forgiveness my story is going to evolve even more. How I see my childhood and early adult life is going to change drastically. I believe rather than seeing myself as the victim I am beginning to see myself as an overcomer. Rather than holding onto anger, resentment and judgement for those who abused and neglected me I am going to have compassion, empathy and sympathy for them. I believe this change in how I view my past is going to continue to change how I see myself now and who I become. The change has begun and I am encouraged by what is happening.
Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted to be loved…………